Must...stay...off...

It is, for me, one of the hardest times of year. It's that time of years when many people get their tax return checks, and so they use that money to buy next year's curriculum for their home schools.

As people mention what they are using, I go and check it out. Oooh shiny! I love books, so it is very hard for me to resist temptation. In fact, usually there is a week or so when I ask my husband, "Are we doing the right thing? Should we get this curriculum here? Look at this big box of books you get, and everything is all laid out for you, and...."

Yeah.

And that's the problem. It is SO EASY to fall back into that "conveyor belt" mentality that is discussed in "A Thomas Jefferson Education." It's so easy to sit back and let everyone else do the thinking, the planning. It's so easy to ignore that Core Phase that is VITAL to both you and your child's development as a whole person who doesn't need someone else to tell them what to do or how to live. I mean, on the surface, Core Phase looks easy, like you just let your kid play all day, and do whatever he wants. But when you actually do it, when you actually are in the trenches inspiring that "right/wrong, good/evil, true/false," you can see how very hard it is. I see kids every day who did not get a solid core phase. I see adults every day who did not get a solid core phase. I don't want my son growing up like that.

My son is very much transitioning into Love of Learning phase now. He spends a huge portion of the day reading to himself, looking at books, asking questions, experimenting. I did nothing to make him do this, other than showing him through example that learning is a part of life, and a fun part, at that. Now, while any child is in Love of Learning, Core is still there, at the Core, and we have to revisit it often. We do our family work together, and when we see examples of situations, we talk about right vs. wrong, etc. Each level builds on the other, but you are never "finished" with the previous one.

Staying off the conveyor belt is hard. As I said, it is easy to have someone tell you what to do all the time. It's easy to be a sheep, and that's why we have an entire nation full of them. But in order for our nation to remain strong, to be a leader in this new global society of ours, we need people who are NOT sheep, in every discipline. We need scientists, politicians, educators, community leaders, who are not afraid to step out of line and do what they believe is right, and not just follow the rear end in front of them. We need people who have developed self-discipline, we need people not afraid to do the hard things. We need people who are not wrapped up in themselves, who can look around in the world and see the potential in it as a whole.

We won't get that by following a one-size-fits-all mentality. Our children are not products who should go through a system and come out with a stamp of approval at the end that means nothing other than that they jumped through all the hoops, that they achieved the minimum, that they passed the test. All we'll get with that is a society of mediocrity, of complacence.

If you want more than this for your children (and indeed, the world), then take the brave step off of the conveyor belt, and do what is right for YOUR child. Give him a solid start at home, show him where his foundation is. Build a strong family, and then branch out to the community slowly. Expose him to people other than his "peers," let him see that there are many people out there he needs to be able to relate to, not just a group of kids his age. Above all, be an inspiration to that child. Do the things you don't feel like doing but you know are right. Take the hard road.

Isn't your child worth it?

The Six Month Purge

For some reason this wonderful ingredient of the DeMilles (this is ingredient #6 in Leadership Education) is giving me a bit of trouble this time around, but probably because I'm really starting to get into it. I did a purge at the beginning of the summer, but right now, I feel like it was not nearly enough. I've started a second one (the third of the year).

The purge is, as you might suspect, when you go through your house and donate/throw out what you don't need. Now, mind you, I didn't think I had THAT much stuff that was not necessary in our lives. My house didn't look like one of those houses you would see on the show Hoarders. But I always feel like there is too much. I spend way too much time deciding where to put things, what to do with things, and how to clean them. This takes away from the time I could be spending studying or being with my family.

So... I just gave away five boxes of books. I'm hoping to maybe get another box going, too. We already purged our movies, so the ones we have left are classics (at least, to our family). Still, I didn't like them all on the shelf, so we are taking them out of the cases and putting them in sleeves to be put away in a cabinet. Books will now go on the movie shelf.

I managed to talk the Chief into parting with some of his toys. I was really hoping for more, but one step at a time. He did really well picking out some larger things that he thought he no longer needed, or that someone else might appreciate more.

Now, the goal is to have things in their proper places by the end of the month. We are moving things around a bit, putting them where they will actually be used, and hopefully making a better learning and living environment for everyone. I'm hoping that by doing a big purge now, we won't have to do such a big job of it in the future.

You, Not Them

"Chief, you can't spend all day glued to that computer." (How many times have I checked Facebook/email/ Twitter/homeschool groups today?)

"OK, time to do some math. Yes, I know, you hate it. Too bad. You don't want to fall behind, do you? Math is very important." (How many times do I skip off to read the next thrilling installment of John Saxon/Singapore/Math-U-See?)

"Mommy, I don't want to eat an apple. I want a cookie!" (Like the one I just sat on the couch with?)

"Chief, you need to go clean your room, it's a sty." (As I guiltily close the door of my own room before a guest beholds the tornado wreckage within [sans tornado])

You get the point.

Then again, how many of us heard, while we were growing up, "Because I said so!" or "I'm the parent and you are the child. When you are grown up and have a house of your own...."

Yeah. How did that work out? Did you smile and nod, and say, "OK Mommy, I'll clean my room as neat as a pin!" Or did you grumble and stomp off, feeling some measure of resentment?

How can you expect your child to work hard at something, or to follow certain rules, when he does not see you do it? Or worse yet, when he sees that you don't feel the need to? When a parent tells a child that he must have a clean room, that he must do math, that he must not smoke, because it's the right thing to do, and then you do the opposite, how do you think that child feels? What do you think that does to his moral compass, his sense of right and wrong?

How messed up is that?

And how about this example: Dad comes home from work, grumbling again about his day. Don't think kids can't pick up on this attitude. Junior hasn't done his math yet. "Well, Dad, you don't have to do math." "Son, I didn't do math because I was at work all day. That's my job. School is your job." OK, Junior thinks to himself, So it's OK for me to hate school because it's my job and most folks hate their jobs...

It is far easier to wear the iron glove of tyranny and rule over your household than it is to inspire your children to do good things by doing those good things yourself. It's easier to yell and intimidate them into submission than it is to inspire them to want to do what is right.

Pay the price. Pay the price for your child's future. Set the good example. Practice what you preach. Learn alongside your children, be excited about life with them. Do the right thing and study hard, live the morals you are trying to instill in your children. Do it consistently when they are young, and when they are older and have more negative influences in their lives, they will have a solid sense of how good, real people live, instead of some ideal they have never seen practiced. They will be equipped to make better decisions, they will not fear hard work, and they will not feel the acute burden of sacrifice when it comes to doing the right thing. And when the time comes for them to raise children of their own, how much easier will it be for them when they have all these things, this strong core, in place already?

The DeMilles, in their book A Thomas Jefferson Education, call this principle "You, Not Them." It is one of their Seven Keys to Great Teaching. Lead the child through your own example, and they will follow. A child's parents are their number one influence in their younger years (Recently I heard a study quoted which said that television was the number one influence. But who pays the cable bill?). Don't waste this time. Put in the work. Show your children what scholarship looks like, show them what it is like to love learning, to truly enjoy taking care of your family and your home. Show them how rewarding it is to serve others.

As that old, silly saying goes, "monkey see, monkey do."

PS--By the way, nothing will get you looking for a more engaging and interesting math program than if you have to do that math yourself! If your kid hates math, don't harp on them. You go out and study math, and let them see you studying math. This has the added benefit of showing you perhaps why your kid hates math so much, and you can take steps to remedy it.